Saturday, September 1, 2018

Support or Sabotage.... What do you bring?

Words matter - how we respond to each other matters - and impacts each of us significantly.   Have  you ever had someone tell you about a significant life goal or vision that they are working toward?   Have you ever had a significant life goal and vision that you wanted to be actively working toward?  And you wanted to tell someone about it?   How did they respond?






Words matter - when we respond to someone's vision and goals with positivity and support, we lend wind to their wings to continue to work and reach toward those goals.  When we respond with doubt or challenges, how often do we limit what they see as possible and do we diminish their own vision and spark and joy.

Recently I was sharing my own vision with an associate and her comments really unsettled me a bit.  Her response was "Well it's good to have dreams even if we never achieve them"  and I just kind of laughed it off at the time, but I also thought about it for quite awhile.  There was a time when that would have significantly shaken me and caused me to spend time doubting the importance and drive toward my goal.  It may have even caused me to start doubting the achieve-ability and  value of my vision.  Thankfully this time it made me focus more on my long term goal and to realize that it isn't for everyone to understand, but it is for me to achieve and reach. There are other people I have tried to talk to about what I am working toward with the Hacienda and they listen initially but then will ask and joke about 'my commune' or other comments that indicate both a humor about the goal but also a clear lack of understanding or interest.  Initially this stung as much as the comments that I might not reach the goal because these were from people I expected to understand and engage with the idea.  However, I've learned that not everyone will be supportive but that should not ever change my intensity or drive to achieve my vision.  And the people who are close to me and who truly know and support me will also see the vision and the value.

How often when you hear someone talking about their goals and dreams do you encourage them and support them?  How often do you respond with subtle sabotage?  Do we know how to truly support the dreams and goals and visions?  I challenge myself and others to begin to respond with more encouragement, without qualifications or limitations, to be able to just listen and encourage without judging or critiquing.  There may be times when more critical comments or recommendations are desired, but when initially hearing or during vulnerable sharing time, respond with simple encouragement.  Think about whether our words shut doors just as they are starting to open, or do they provide some energy to keep the door open and energy flowing.

What does this type of support look like to you?  Have you ever felt shut down or sabotaged when sharing a vision?  Have you felt supported?  What did each feel like?  For me the support is as simple as listening when I feel like sharing my vision and as complex as giving me ongoing feedback and recommendations for ways to explore different aspects related to the vision (in my case, exploring other similar locations and ideas as well as building the skills necessary to implement the aspects of the Hacienda).

Elizabeth Gilbert has an essay on The Crab Bucket where she talks about how as we get closer to making significant growth and changes in our lives we often draw the most critiques and resistance from those close to us (and I would include our own internal critics) and that these voices are fighting to keep us back with them instead of supporting us to reach for things that may take us away or on to broader things.  Which place and what role do you want to play in the bucket and to your friends and loved ones?  I would rather be seen and viewed as someone who helps my friends and loved ones reach for their visions and dreams - even if it takes them away from me.  I want to be the person that my friends and loved ones and colleagues can share dreams and visions with and walk away feeling supported and encouraged to continue to reach for them, to believe that it is within their power to achieve any of their hearts desires.  Even when discussing the challenges of reaching for dreams, I would like to leave them with a feeling of general support and encouragement and that someone believes they can achieve it.  I try to do this by avoiding qualifiers, providing safe space to brainstorm, and helping them think through or around any challenges or blocks that they may see to achieving the dream/goal.

How can we move to a culture of support for each other in stead of sabotage?   How do we each ask people about their goals and dreams?  And how do you respond when they share?  How can we make each other richer in those interactions?