Stop waiting....

This time of year brings me a steady reminders of why it's important for me to embrace every moment and experience, to spend time with friends (old and new) in good deep conversation and quiet moments, take risks, experience new things, host and share and enjoy my loved ones....

I recently ran across an article "In Praise of Scruffy Hospitality" and it resonated so soundly with me.  My mother used to believe that even though we didn't have much, our house would always be one of hospitality where people wanted to gather (in particular our friends when we were growing up).  That while our furniture may be a hodgepodge of family antiques, yard sale finds, and hand-me-downs.... and the house I largely grew up in was very old and needed more work than we would ever finish.... and while it was often too warm in the summer and too cold in the winter..... there was always a comfy chair, good conversation, a warm or cold drink, and some sort of random assortment of food and munchies we could put together while we gathered on the porch or in the living room and talked, visited, or played cards....

Like my mom, I'm a terrible housekeeper - I neither like nor am terribly good at cleaning :) - but my house is usually reasonably neat and hopefully comfortable.... and at the end of the day, spending time with and sharing moments with my friends and loved ones (and the pups) is much more valuable to me than spending hours cleaning.  Rather than waiting until I have the time, energy and money to put together the perfect coordinated meal at a well organized table  - I love nothing more than picking up my kids from school or camp and deciding to put a call out to see who feels up to a fire in the firepit, a crockpot full of chili, and whatever other random sides I can find or folks feel like bringing.... I don't want to wait.... I want to enjoy my friends and loved ones when life is good and up and abundant and when life is tough, messy, and a little tighter....

I am the same way with furniture.... Why wait until my house is perfectly decorated to use and enjoy it?  I have a bit of a bargain shopping habit and have become addicted to the facebook marketplace and finding wonderful deals.... Recently I've bought a couple of beautiful hardwood pieces that need a lot of work.  When I picked up one of them, the lovely older woman who was selling it was shocked to hear me say that I would just be putting it in my living room and would get around to refinishing it sometime but it would be a bit.... (she also was concerned that I didn't have a man to help me unload it but rather assured her that my daughter and I had this....)

Life was meant to be lived!  By finding the beautiful pieces at beautiful prices :)  I can enjoy them, and my people, and my life.... I will get them refinished in time, but I'm not going to WAIT until everything is perfect to enjoy all aspects of it - if I did that I would miss all of the mess that makes life the most beautiful mosaic.... Plus I think that my hodgepodge of furniture is a reflection of me - slightly messy, comforting, eclectic, enduring, attractive even, flawed but more beautiful and richer for those, strong and lasting, stable, and inclusive.....oh yeah and most of it was a bargain.... :) (much like my hodgepodge of dishes at most of the meals at my house - spaghetti with a side of guac and chips?  why not?) 

So if you have been to my house.... I hope you are comfortable with some 'scruffy hospitality'.... you will always be greeted with a warm smile, something warm (or cold depending on the season - it is GA after all) to eat and drink, and some messy but good company and conversation :)

Tender Holidays

This week is a tender one in many ways for a lot of people.  As everyone prepares for the upcoming holidays (whatever holiday traditions you celebrate), please remember that for some of us - the holidays are tender, still joyful often but deeper and often with a strong undercurrent of memory, loss and grief.  Have more patience with that colleague who seems short tempered this time of year, reach out and spend time with your friends who may or may not have extended family, spare an extra smile compliment, laugh, or tip with that sales person, server, or other people you run into - regardless of their spirit at the time - it could change their whole day.  Give your friends and loved ones space to sit with all the range of emotions that hit - we don't need to be happy all the time.  If you have waves this time of year, ride them - let yourself experience all of the range of emotions, and find things that feed and soothe your soul....





Seven years ago my mom was sick (sicker than I realized at the time) and still had a lot of pain from a broken ankle a few years previously.  We were planning on Thanksgiving at my in-laws but mom was uncomfortable staying there for several reasons, including a full house, her pain, and sleep patterns.  So to make sure she spent the holiday with us - I got her a hotel room, right on the beach where she had her own whirlpool tub to soak in and a balcony she could open and listen to the waves.... For my water baby mom this was wonderful. 


She did pretty good through the holiday, and the day afterwards asked if I would take her over to see her dad in a nursing home in Williamsburg.  So just the two of us went off to see him.... I wish I had known it would be the last good chunk of time I would spend with her.  The next day she told me she was feeling very badly and was ready to go home so would be heading out.  She called when she got home and we all just assumed it was a bad case of the flu or a cold.  It was the last time I saw her..... At Christmas she was too sick to travel to us and by the time I got there to bring her down after her birthday she had died....

Thanksgiving was her favorite holiday, even though often it was just the three of us (myself, her, and my brother) and maybe a family friend or two, with very simple fair - she loved turkey but our side dishes were usually pretty basic green beans (not casserole), salad, pumpkin (baked not pie), corn and potatoes (either sweet or mashed with onions), and homemade gravy (always homemade).  Usually we caped off the day with a walk or drive around to look at lights or with a drive out to one of the local trails to walk around a bit when she was able.  Unless we were traveling and visiting others for the holiday, we didn't do Black Friday shopping.... opting instead for visiting friends, checking out local trails, or putzing on house projects (there were always projects to do around the house when you grow up in a 100+ year old home)....

I miss her daily but also know that she is still with me - she is laughing at the journey, celebrating the growth, and shaking her head at the follies.... I have in my head a lovely vision of her, my dad, my aunt and uncle, and a few other dear close friends gathering at a campsite by a trout stream to talk and laugh at the follies and adventures of those they have left here and tossing little reminders of them to us as we need.... So as I get older, I find myself returning to simpler ways and activities, particularly this time of year....