February: Just a month or a way of walking through life.... Black History Month, Heart Month, Love and Being Part 3

 Love.... The most beautiful and complicated and important of all emotions.... 

I have written on love before....  so some of this may not be new but just rather expanded perspectives....

I have never understood why we have only one day and month where we really emphasize the
importance of love, nor why we as a culture prioritize monogamous romantic love over all other loves.... Love is the one thing that our world needs more of.... True, selfless, nurturing, fueling love - is the one thing that our world needs more of to continue healing and growing....

"... love is like water.  One drop is not so powerful, a few more drops and things begin to change, enough drops and you can move mountains." Rolf Gates

I think that so often our culture focuses on romantic love, particularly monogamous romantic love.... that everything else gets lost.... But what if we were able to really shift our view of love - to open it up - to recognize all the ways that love shows up for us and that we can show up for it - all the ways in which we can show it to each other and our world?  If we could celebrate love in ALL of its forms?

"I think... if it is true that/ there are as many minds as there/ are heads, then there are as many/ kinds of love as there are hearts." Leo Tolstoy (Anna Karenina)

My friends have often laughed at me that emotions are my superpower (personally I think this is sometimes a curse).... I have been so lucky to have known great love stories of all kinds personally - loves that were open, giving, long lasting, loves that focused on supporting, nurturing and freeing each other.... Loves that were a choice each and every day.... I'm lucky to have such love in my own life and to be able offer it back to others.... Love doesn't know limits - it just is - and it manifests in so many different ways in our lives and each and every one should be recognized and celebrated and nurtured....

"It is good to love many things, for therein lies the true strength, and whosoever loves much performs much, and can accomplish much, and what is done in love is well done." Vincent van Gogh

Love is meant to be freeing, lifting and opening.... to be giving and warm and safety.... it is not meant to be punishing or jailing or limiting.... I've already rambled on that before (click here for my ramblings on love).... Open, giving, nurturing love is the most uplifting and supportive thing we can offer each other.... It is the greatest gift we can offer ourselves....

Love is the simplest, freest thing we can offer.... it is the one thing we can offer ourselves and each other that costs us nothing and gives us everything.... it is the one thing that can heal wounds, protect and nuture and strengthen us....

“If you judge people, you have no time to love them.”― Mother Teresa

What if instead of celebrating love - real rich broad love - one day a year; we celebrated it and valued it and nurtured it all year long?  all life long?  In all the ways that love shows up in our lives?  What if we can stop expecting everyone's romantic loves to look the same way?  To appreciate and celebrate love in all of the ways it shows up for everyone?  What would the world look like if we could stop judging the way that people love and instead celebrated and helped spread love wherever we find it?  What if instead of judging who people love and why - we could just celebrate love everywhere that it shows up?  Yes love is a risk - love of all kinds (romantic, platonic, self).... but it is the greatest risk worth taking.... the opening up, the becoming vulnerable.... it is the hardest and most powerful thing we can do....

“Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.”

― Lao Tzu

Imagine the difference we can make when we begin by offering ourselves love, loving-kindness, and compassion... And continue to expand that to all those around us... To our family, to our communities, and most importantly - to those who we disagree or struggle the most with....

How can we keep working to add to those drops of water....

Let's move mountains.....

February: Just a month or a way of walking through life.... Black History Month, Heart Month, Love and Being Part 2

 Previous post focused on Black History Month.... 

But February also brings to mind love and hearts.... health in all forms in our lives.... Much like how we approach incorporating Black history into everyday life throughout the year, I would love to see a time when we did not need to have a special month focused on heart health and love.  But for now - we will use it as a time to call specific attention to things we should attend to all year long.... :)

A few months ago I started taking steps to take back my health.... I lost both of my parents to heart attacks, at far too young an age... I have already outlived the age my father was when he died.... But as I have watched other loved ones struggle with health issues over the years, I found myself halfway through my 40s and wanting to take my health back.  I want to improve on the legacy my children have - I want to be active and vibrant and wandering - well into old age... There are adventures and trips and milestones to hit....This journey is occurring as a take back my health journey rather than a weight loss journey.  I'm not sure exactly where it will end, but I know that it is leading to a healthier more active life... a stronger heart.... a reduced risk of heart attack, high blood pressure, and other chronic diseases.... For the first time in over 14 years, I'm no longer considered obese based on BMI measurements, I have logged a personal record of under 2 hours for a 15k race, I've hiked to peaks throughout Appalachia, I'm 150 miles into my 600 mile challenge for the year, and there is so much more to do.... 

February is American Heart Month where much of the public health and health focus is on understanding and focusing on the impact of heart disease on individuals.  In the United States, heart disease is the number one cause of death.  While February is heart month, this type of health awareness is so critical for us to remember and focus on throughout the year.... Instead of working toward temporary health - working for the beach body or just to reach a specific temporary goal - what would it look like if we considered overall health throughout the year - maintaining a healthy balance in all seasons?  

I am very aware of the privilege that I have to be able to prioritize my health and the finances to afford and transportation to have access to healthy food options and physical activity.  These are privileges that not everyone has access too.  I spend so much of my life working on health equity - that it feels like a waste to not take care of my health... an insult to those that do not have those same privileges and who face even greater risk.... The least I can do is to take care of the health and life I have been given.... To be able to be here and use my voice to try to help shift the system in some small way....

Take a minute, spend a moment, educate and understand.... Help each other... Particularly our sisters.... Particularly our Black and Brown sisters.... the disparities are being impacted, but we still have a long way to go.... 

Racial and Ethnic Disparities in Heart Disease

Know the Facts

Million Hearts Initiative

Heart and Health Equity

CVD and Health Equity

Heart disease is decreasing for all racial and ethnic groups, however it is still the leading cause of death in the United States and there are significant disparities in factors related to heart health: 

• Black adults over 20 were most likely to have hypertension in 2015-2016 compared to other racial groups
• Hispanic and non-Hispanic Black adults 20 and older were most likely to have obesity and diabetes
• Low income and minority individuals have a less access to healthy food
• Some research indicates that those with heart disease are at higher rates of food insecurity
• Hospitalization rates are higher in Black communities than among white communities.

What steps can we each take to take better care of our own health.... and to help our neighbors and communities to improve theirs.... 

February: Just a month or a way of walking through life.... Black History Month, Heart Month, Love and Being Part 1

This post is one that I really want to write but that I am also very nervous about sharing.... life has taught me that often in those cases, I need to do the hard thing and to write and share.... 

First let me own the place from which I write this - I am a white woman, now with a comfortable middle class income.... with that comes a lot of privilege.  I was raised in Appalachia and grew up in a culture with some significant biases, racism, and systemic issues - my parents worked hard to teach us and raise my brother and I with more open and loving perspectives but in hindsight I can see flaws even in those lessons.  So I am working on changing things for my daughters and continuing to move the work forward.... Life journeys have brought me to a place where most of my family of choice are Black and Brown families who love myself and my daughters more than any blood relatives could.  

There are a lot of things I still have to learn, a lot of times that I don't do it right, a lot of times that I need my loved ones to 'check me' .... But it is part of the journey and I hope to continue the growth and help be part of the change for future generations....

Black History Month movie recommendations

I recently posted about how my daughters and I have decided to be more thoughtful about our movie selections during February to include some specific films that have strong Black leads and that address both Black history and Black lives.  (Below are some links to great recommendations from that post). For me and my family, I think it is important to share book/movie and other items that we can use to expand our understanding and perspective.  As I watched comments come in a couple of key thoughts occurred to me:

* Another friend posted a meme that every month is about Black history - February is just an anniversary to celebrate it.  This made me think twice about my post but it also made me think about the way I talked about our movie selections with my daughters.  To make sure that we talk about how, we want to watch these movies regardless of the time of year/month.  And it also made me realize that many of the movies that were recommended were ones that we have already watched (and are re-watching).  Regardless of race, movie selections about Black lives, with strong Black leads and primarily Black casts should be part of all of our regular movie viewing along with discussions of concepts and questions that our kids have.  

* Talk with our kids about what they see or what they haven't been exposed to before.  I think we often protect our children who are used to lives of privilege, films can often provide windows and doors to talk about topics that are hard for kids to discuss or understand.  My daughters had me pause "Oh Brother Where Art Thou" to explain some of the key scenes that addressed racism and the KKK (they did not know what that was prior to that movie).... During Harriet, we paused it multiple times for them to ask questions about things that were being done to people and to give my youngest a chance to breathe through it.  When the girls came in while I was watching Lovecraft Country, it gave us a chance to talk about Black Wall Street and the traumas that have occurred in recent history.  

* Listen to your Black and Brown friends!  The recommendations that came from Black friends were more powerful in some ways for me. I received some private notes and recommendations as well.  These recommendations covered the spectrum of movies to watch.  While I appreciated the recommendations from my white friends, it was from those with lived experience that meant a great deal to me.  In addition, these friends provided articles and insights into movies that often my white friends love but that still have some problematic portions.  Understanding all sides helps me to understand and navigate watching and talking about them with my daughters.

* Include some lightness and other options, my youngest daughter is very tender hearted and while she enjoys watching the heavier movies and understands the need understand and feel the history (I am totally introducing her to Madam CJ Walker this week - be prepared to hear about the Goddess Madam when it's all done), she likes to have something light in between.  It's important to me to normalize movies where the cast is primarily Black - which means movies like the new Dr. Dolittle series (we are up to 3.... we may have jumped the shark but she loves them) and the Are We There Yet? series as moments of laughter and lightness.  I'm thankful for my Black friends who sent me some recommendations for those types of movies as well.... :) 

Here are some of the recommendation lists that we received, feel free to add any other recommendations in the comments - we love these all year long!

• https://lifehacker.com/10-movies-you-need-to-watch-during-and-after-black-hi-1846157277
• https://millennialindebt.com/lifestyle/greatest-black-movies-every-young-adult-needs-to-see?fbclid=IwAR1kfWXPimvUk_aUSOKLFlebmAwNbYlCV71TbqTkueC-CwzY_xRnda8xvOg
• Hidden Figures
• Loving
• The Color Purple
• Black Panther
• Akeelah and the Bee
• Roll Bounce
• When they see us
• The Hate You Give
• Selma
• Malcom X
• Ray
• Dream Girls
• Soul
• The Help
• Fences
• 13th
• Good Trouble

This is long enough now - so we will save the Heart Month, Love and Being for the next post - But to tie them all together.... It makes so much sense to me to tie Black History and Heart month together - for so many reasons:

• let us call attention to health disparities
• let us learn to really love one another and hold one another safe and close
• love is so much bigger than romantic love.... and we need to learn to turn that love and depth of love to our communities, to work stridently to heal wounds, broaden hearts, protect and repair all the damage done over the years.... 

Support Black Businesses all year long!  

https://www.websiteplanet.com/blog/support-black-owned-businesses/

Home and Family

I have been reading a book of Native American/Indigenous Cultures poetry during my morning meditation time recently.  This morning I read one that really touched me deeply and also started my mind spinning.  (see the bottom of the post for the full poem).

Much of my work throughout my career has focused on public health and child welfare, and often there will be several generations and branches of families living together for a wide range of reasons but primarily because it works for them.  I often envied the families who have multiple generations living together and supporting each other.  However, as I grew older and my personal life and work life expanded, I was surprised by how many people held a very negative perception of the extended family homes.  

Living in the United States I have heard the debate about housing and multigenerational/multi family housing for years - even now there are people on social media in the neighborhoods around me who yell 'not in our neighborhood'... Or complaints about the house that people 'suspect' has what they consider too many people living there.  There are protests and city ordinances that are put into place to limit or to try to define single family occupancy housing.  To be honest though - housing policies are not my area of specialty (that's more in the food access and child welfare arena).... I know just enough to be dangerous, and to see the hurt in the face of families who are struggling to find housing that is deemed 'appropriate' for raising children regarding space.

But growing up in Appalachia - this was the way so many of the families that helped raised me lived (it is a community raising a child not an individual).... 

Today I do not have biological family that would come live with me, although if my mom was alive I would bring her to live with me (it was part of the plan to move her near us when she passed).  However, I have and will always have open doors for my chosen family to have a safe place to live when they want.  

How often do we take the time to get to know our neighbors?  To find ways to support and encourage them?  To understand how interconnectedness works and supports them?  If we can redefine how we think about housing and family and community support - what differences can we make in homelessness and insecure housing in this country?   How can we begin to change how we view ALL of our neighbors, not just those who live as we do?  How can we begin to really see each other as people and to find ways to support each other regardless?  

The Housing Poem by Dian Million

Minnie had a house
which had trees in the yard
and lots of flowers
she especially liked the kitchen
because it had a large old cast iron stove
and that
the landlord said
was the reason
the house was so cheap.

Pretty soon Minnie's brother Rupert came along
and his wife Onna
and they set up housekeeping in the living room
on the fold-out couch,
so the house warmed and rocked
and sang because Minnie and Rupert laughed a lot.

Pretty soon their mom Elsie came to live with them too
because she liked being with the laughing young people
and she knew how the stove worked the best.
Minnie gave up her bed and slept on a cot.

Well pretty soon
Dar and Shar their cousins came to town looking for work.
They were twins
the pride of Elsie's sister Jo
and boy could those girls sing. They pitched a tent under
the cedar patch in the yard
and could be heard singing around the house
mixtures of old Indian tunes and country western.

When it was winter
Elsie worried
about her mother Sarah
who was still living by herself in Moose Glen back home.
Elsie went in the car with Dar and Shar and Minnie and Rupert and got her.
They all missed her anyway and her funny stories.
She didn't have any teeth
so she dipped all chewable items in grease
which is how they're tasty she said.
She sat in a chair in front of the stove usually
or would cook up a big pot of something for the others.

By and by Rupert and Onna had a baby who they named Lester,
or nicknamed Bumper, and they were glad that Elsie and Sarah
were there to help.

One night the landlord came by
to fix the leak in the bathroom pipe
and was surprised to find Minnie, Rupert and Onna, Sarah and Elsie, Shar and Dar
all singing around the drum next to the big stove in the kitchen
and even a baby named Lester who smiled waving a big greasy piece of dried fish.

He was disturbed
he went to court to evict them
he said the house was designed for single-family occupancy
which surprised the family

because that's what they thought they were.

https://www.talkingpeople.net/tp/literature/million/dianmillion.html

Guides, Mentors, and Supports - Cornerstones....

Early in my life, my parents taught me the importance of finding mentors and guides along the way.... and I have been blessed in my life to find amazing people who have helped me find my way and forge my own trail...

"I consider whatever success I meet with on a given day due in part to the way others have taught me how to live by their example." 

Rolf Gates

As I have gotten older and progressed along life and my career, I find it interesting that while often we (at least in US culture) accept and embrace the idea of mentors in our professional lives, we cringe from the idea of guides and supports in other aspects of our lives.  And often even in our professional careers, there is often the perspective that only those who are struggling need a good mentor.  When actually, it is often when we are at our strongest, that a mentor/guide or teacher can help us the most.  

Who told us that we were supposed to be able to figure it all out on our own?  Where did the notion come from that looking for support and guidance was a sign of weakness?  Have we become such an independence focused society that we do not think to stop and ask for help or to offer help to others?  Has the concept of mentorship become the intellectual property of the professional world and become so microcosmic that we no longer recognize the need and value of mentorship and guidance in other parts of our lives? How are we modeling or showing others around us and the next generation how to develop these types of relationships and the value of these connections?

“I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” — Maya Angelou

I have had mentors who have helped me find my way in my personal and my professional life.... who have influenced the trails and paths I've taken even long after our official mentor relationship has evolved and shifted.  Likewise I have had teachers and guides who have helped me work through personal periods of growth and who have influenced my own journey in unexpected and significant ways.  There have been periods in my life where I have sought out mentors and guides because I was working through various things but there have been as many times where they have shown up unexpectedly and have had equally significant influence.

Sometimes we need guides and mentors in all aspects of our lives.... not just professionally and in our career but also in our interpersonal lives, in our internal lives, for our own personal growth, in a new hobby or area of interest, or in relationships or in any other aspect of our journeys.... How much richer and gentler can our lives be when we reach out and seek support along the way?  :) 

"I am not a teacher, but an awakener."— Robert Frost

My mentors and guides have helped me by showing me:

• my own strengths and beauty
• how to find my own path even when it seems out of sync with the norm (especially then)
• that it is possible and even beautiful to have a path that is completely and uniquely you
• how to embrace all of your own power and strength to find your way
• the variety of trails and paths that are possible
• new skills and talents
• new ways of seeing things 
• how to find and use my own voice
• the career path I have now - meaningful support to community minded non-profits
• how to find and create my own entrepreneurial path
• how to dance (yeah still working on this one)
• how to find my own way to create relationships and connections that are true to myself
• and so so so much more

I would not be where I am today without the guides and mentors who have helped me along the way - those who are currently coaching and encouraging me and those who have done so in the past.   I only hope that I can provide some of that support to others along the way as well.... hands reaching out and supporting each other.... 

And I'm not sure where my journey will continue to lead - but I will always be open to and seek out those guides and mentors along the way.... and I hope in some small way to be a light to others on their journeys....

"Hug and kiss whoever helped get you - financially, mentally, morally, emotionally - to this day. Parents, mentors, friends, teachers. If you're too uptight to do that, at least do the old handshake thing, but I recommend a hug and a kiss. Don't let the sun go down without saying thank you to someone, and without admitting to yourself that absolutely no one gets this far alone."— Stephen King

It is also our responsibility to help pass this along.... while we may always need those mentors and guides in our own lives, it is also our responsibility to each other to help others along the way as well - to pass along what we have learned and to help others find their own spark and path as well.  This is how we create community, strengthen and care for each other...And to thank those who have helped us along the way as well - to recognize all those coaches, mentors, teachers and guides.... 

“We’re here for a reason. I believe a bit of the reason is to throw little torches out to lead people through the dark.” — Whoopi Goldberg