February: Just a month or a way of walking through life.... Black History Month, Heart Month, Love and Being Part 3

 Love.... The most beautiful and complicated and important of all emotions.... 

I have written on love before....  so some of this may not be new but just rather expanded perspectives....

I have never understood why we have only one day and month where we really emphasize the
importance of love, nor why we as a culture prioritize monogamous romantic love over all other loves.... Love is the one thing that our world needs more of.... True, selfless, nurturing, fueling love - is the one thing that our world needs more of to continue healing and growing....

"... love is like water.  One drop is not so powerful, a few more drops and things begin to change, enough drops and you can move mountains." Rolf Gates

I think that so often our culture focuses on romantic love, particularly monogamous romantic love.... that everything else gets lost.... But what if we were able to really shift our view of love - to open it up - to recognize all the ways that love shows up for us and that we can show up for it - all the ways in which we can show it to each other and our world?  If we could celebrate love in ALL of its forms?

"I think... if it is true that/ there are as many minds as there/ are heads, then there are as many/ kinds of love as there are hearts." Leo Tolstoy (Anna Karenina)

My friends have often laughed at me that emotions are my superpower (personally I think this is sometimes a curse).... I have been so lucky to have known great love stories of all kinds personally - loves that were open, giving, long lasting, loves that focused on supporting, nurturing and freeing each other.... Loves that were a choice each and every day.... I'm lucky to have such love in my own life and to be able offer it back to others.... Love doesn't know limits - it just is - and it manifests in so many different ways in our lives and each and every one should be recognized and celebrated and nurtured....

"It is good to love many things, for therein lies the true strength, and whosoever loves much performs much, and can accomplish much, and what is done in love is well done." Vincent van Gogh

Love is meant to be freeing, lifting and opening.... to be giving and warm and safety.... it is not meant to be punishing or jailing or limiting.... I've already rambled on that before (click here for my ramblings on love).... Open, giving, nurturing love is the most uplifting and supportive thing we can offer each other.... It is the greatest gift we can offer ourselves....

Love is the simplest, freest thing we can offer.... it is the one thing we can offer ourselves and each other that costs us nothing and gives us everything.... it is the one thing that can heal wounds, protect and nuture and strengthen us....

“If you judge people, you have no time to love them.”― Mother Teresa

What if instead of celebrating love - real rich broad love - one day a year; we celebrated it and valued it and nurtured it all year long?  all life long?  In all the ways that love shows up in our lives?  What if we can stop expecting everyone's romantic loves to look the same way?  To appreciate and celebrate love in all of the ways it shows up for everyone?  What would the world look like if we could stop judging the way that people love and instead celebrated and helped spread love wherever we find it?  What if instead of judging who people love and why - we could just celebrate love everywhere that it shows up?  Yes love is a risk - love of all kinds (romantic, platonic, self).... but it is the greatest risk worth taking.... the opening up, the becoming vulnerable.... it is the hardest and most powerful thing we can do....

“Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.”

― Lao Tzu

Imagine the difference we can make when we begin by offering ourselves love, loving-kindness, and compassion... And continue to expand that to all those around us... To our family, to our communities, and most importantly - to those who we disagree or struggle the most with....

How can we keep working to add to those drops of water....

Let's move mountains.....

February: Just a month or a way of walking through life.... Black History Month, Heart Month, Love and Being Part 2

 Previous post focused on Black History Month.... 

But February also brings to mind love and hearts.... health in all forms in our lives.... Much like how we approach incorporating Black history into everyday life throughout the year, I would love to see a time when we did not need to have a special month focused on heart health and love.  But for now - we will use it as a time to call specific attention to things we should attend to all year long.... :)

A few months ago I started taking steps to take back my health.... I lost both of my parents to heart attacks, at far too young an age... I have already outlived the age my father was when he died.... But as I have watched other loved ones struggle with health issues over the years, I found myself halfway through my 40s and wanting to take my health back.  I want to improve on the legacy my children have - I want to be active and vibrant and wandering - well into old age... There are adventures and trips and milestones to hit....This journey is occurring as a take back my health journey rather than a weight loss journey.  I'm not sure exactly where it will end, but I know that it is leading to a healthier more active life... a stronger heart.... a reduced risk of heart attack, high blood pressure, and other chronic diseases.... For the first time in over 14 years, I'm no longer considered obese based on BMI measurements, I have logged a personal record of under 2 hours for a 15k race, I've hiked to peaks throughout Appalachia, I'm 150 miles into my 600 mile challenge for the year, and there is so much more to do.... 

February is American Heart Month where much of the public health and health focus is on understanding and focusing on the impact of heart disease on individuals.  In the United States, heart disease is the number one cause of death.  While February is heart month, this type of health awareness is so critical for us to remember and focus on throughout the year.... Instead of working toward temporary health - working for the beach body or just to reach a specific temporary goal - what would it look like if we considered overall health throughout the year - maintaining a healthy balance in all seasons?  

I am very aware of the privilege that I have to be able to prioritize my health and the finances to afford and transportation to have access to healthy food options and physical activity.  These are privileges that not everyone has access too.  I spend so much of my life working on health equity - that it feels like a waste to not take care of my health... an insult to those that do not have those same privileges and who face even greater risk.... The least I can do is to take care of the health and life I have been given.... To be able to be here and use my voice to try to help shift the system in some small way....

Take a minute, spend a moment, educate and understand.... Help each other... Particularly our sisters.... Particularly our Black and Brown sisters.... the disparities are being impacted, but we still have a long way to go.... 

Racial and Ethnic Disparities in Heart Disease

Know the Facts

Million Hearts Initiative

Heart and Health Equity

CVD and Health Equity

Heart disease is decreasing for all racial and ethnic groups, however it is still the leading cause of death in the United States and there are significant disparities in factors related to heart health: 

• Black adults over 20 were most likely to have hypertension in 2015-2016 compared to other racial groups
• Hispanic and non-Hispanic Black adults 20 and older were most likely to have obesity and diabetes
• Low income and minority individuals have a less access to healthy food
• Some research indicates that those with heart disease are at higher rates of food insecurity
• Hospitalization rates are higher in Black communities than among white communities.

What steps can we each take to take better care of our own health.... and to help our neighbors and communities to improve theirs.... 

February: Just a month or a way of walking through life.... Black History Month, Heart Month, Love and Being Part 1

This post is one that I really want to write but that I am also very nervous about sharing.... life has taught me that often in those cases, I need to do the hard thing and to write and share.... 

First let me own the place from which I write this - I am a white woman, now with a comfortable middle class income.... with that comes a lot of privilege.  I was raised in Appalachia and grew up in a culture with some significant biases, racism, and systemic issues - my parents worked hard to teach us and raise my brother and I with more open and loving perspectives but in hindsight I can see flaws even in those lessons.  So I am working on changing things for my daughters and continuing to move the work forward.... Life journeys have brought me to a place where most of my family of choice are Black and Brown families who love myself and my daughters more than any blood relatives could.  

There are a lot of things I still have to learn, a lot of times that I don't do it right, a lot of times that I need my loved ones to 'check me' .... But it is part of the journey and I hope to continue the growth and help be part of the change for future generations....

Black History Month movie recommendations

I recently posted about how my daughters and I have decided to be more thoughtful about our movie selections during February to include some specific films that have strong Black leads and that address both Black history and Black lives.  (Below are some links to great recommendations from that post). For me and my family, I think it is important to share book/movie and other items that we can use to expand our understanding and perspective.  As I watched comments come in a couple of key thoughts occurred to me:

* Another friend posted a meme that every month is about Black history - February is just an anniversary to celebrate it.  This made me think twice about my post but it also made me think about the way I talked about our movie selections with my daughters.  To make sure that we talk about how, we want to watch these movies regardless of the time of year/month.  And it also made me realize that many of the movies that were recommended were ones that we have already watched (and are re-watching).  Regardless of race, movie selections about Black lives, with strong Black leads and primarily Black casts should be part of all of our regular movie viewing along with discussions of concepts and questions that our kids have.  

* Talk with our kids about what they see or what they haven't been exposed to before.  I think we often protect our children who are used to lives of privilege, films can often provide windows and doors to talk about topics that are hard for kids to discuss or understand.  My daughters had me pause "Oh Brother Where Art Thou" to explain some of the key scenes that addressed racism and the KKK (they did not know what that was prior to that movie).... During Harriet, we paused it multiple times for them to ask questions about things that were being done to people and to give my youngest a chance to breathe through it.  When the girls came in while I was watching Lovecraft Country, it gave us a chance to talk about Black Wall Street and the traumas that have occurred in recent history.  

* Listen to your Black and Brown friends!  The recommendations that came from Black friends were more powerful in some ways for me. I received some private notes and recommendations as well.  These recommendations covered the spectrum of movies to watch.  While I appreciated the recommendations from my white friends, it was from those with lived experience that meant a great deal to me.  In addition, these friends provided articles and insights into movies that often my white friends love but that still have some problematic portions.  Understanding all sides helps me to understand and navigate watching and talking about them with my daughters.

* Include some lightness and other options, my youngest daughter is very tender hearted and while she enjoys watching the heavier movies and understands the need understand and feel the history (I am totally introducing her to Madam CJ Walker this week - be prepared to hear about the Goddess Madam when it's all done), she likes to have something light in between.  It's important to me to normalize movies where the cast is primarily Black - which means movies like the new Dr. Dolittle series (we are up to 3.... we may have jumped the shark but she loves them) and the Are We There Yet? series as moments of laughter and lightness.  I'm thankful for my Black friends who sent me some recommendations for those types of movies as well.... :) 

Here are some of the recommendation lists that we received, feel free to add any other recommendations in the comments - we love these all year long!

• https://lifehacker.com/10-movies-you-need-to-watch-during-and-after-black-hi-1846157277
• https://millennialindebt.com/lifestyle/greatest-black-movies-every-young-adult-needs-to-see?fbclid=IwAR1kfWXPimvUk_aUSOKLFlebmAwNbYlCV71TbqTkueC-CwzY_xRnda8xvOg
• Hidden Figures
• Loving
• The Color Purple
• Black Panther
• Akeelah and the Bee
• Roll Bounce
• When they see us
• The Hate You Give
• Selma
• Malcom X
• Ray
• Dream Girls
• Soul
• The Help
• Fences
• 13th
• Good Trouble

This is long enough now - so we will save the Heart Month, Love and Being for the next post - But to tie them all together.... It makes so much sense to me to tie Black History and Heart month together - for so many reasons:

• let us call attention to health disparities
• let us learn to really love one another and hold one another safe and close
• love is so much bigger than romantic love.... and we need to learn to turn that love and depth of love to our communities, to work stridently to heal wounds, broaden hearts, protect and repair all the damage done over the years.... 

Support Black Businesses all year long!  

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