What kind of world do we want...

Words are powerful - and often confusing - There have been several times recently when I have had the opportunity to talk to friends about the impact that their use of words may have on many people.  In some cases, the discussions centered on how language can impact our children and how our children experience their world.  I would love to see a world where we can move past divisive language and toward more encompassing, supportive, and encouraging language.  And I think it is possible to do this while still engaging in valuable debate and discourse....

Recently a friend of mine said he assured a dear kind woman who commented on his three valentine packages of flowers and cards that he had a 'wholesome' family and was purchasing them for his wife and two daughters.  I teased him that the inference was that if my family consisted of some other combination then maybe we were not wholesome and I challenged that a bit.  If everyone is in agreement and loving with each other - isn't that as wholesome as we could ever ask for?  It's certainly the way I want my children to view others. Maybe what I am struggling with is the word wholesome in general - according to the dictionary wholesome means "conducive to or suggestive of good health and physical well-being" or "conducive to or promoting moral well-being."  Personally, I think any relationship that is supportive and loving to all parties involved (regardless of number of partners, gender or anything else) and where are all parties are consenting and feel freely loved and strengthened is the best option for leading to good health and physical well being.  Only relationships that are caging, limiting, or damaging to partners would I see as unwholesome.  My friend and I did end up laughing as he assured me that he did agree and I loved the older woman's comment to him which was 'You need not explain yourself to me. Life has all kinds of fun in it." Amen beautiful lady amen.....

It also led to us continuing our conversation about how we are all 'socializing' our children.  Another friend had recently posted a wonderful piece about the frequent comments about the need for socialization among homeschool or unschooled youth.   Today's school shooting made me pause and revisit this discussion and thought - what are we socializing our children to?  are we socializing them to our current american societal norms which seem to be very individual focused and competitive and angry often? or do we want to give them space and time to learn and develop their own sense of how to be kind and loving to everyone and to develop a healthy love for learning about new and different cultures, people, experiences?  Why do we force our young people to engage socially when they may be very introverted and those big social experiences are more painful and damaging than strengthening and enriching?  Can we create space for us, our children included, to have the safety and comfort they need to grow along their own path without forcing our own perspectives and desires on them?  Can we create a space that is not only physically safe for our youth but also socially and emotionally and individually safe?  If we can create those environments, can we help to raise our children to be more loving and compassionate and supportive of each other which will further expand that safety?

The news about the latest school is just heartbreaking - I keep trying to avoid news but it's still there and all the angst and pain out there and anger back and forth about those talking about it.... I find myself agreeing that we do need to do something about the ready access to those kinds of weapons but also even more -why can't we be more compassionate and gentle with each other and teach our children to be more loving and gentle and loving and warm with each other.

*Update - As someone who has worked in the child welfare field for most of my career in one way or another - the current practice and policies removing refugee children from parents at the border is breaking my heart on many levels.  This is not what I how my children, nor my country, to treat people - where is our compassion and kindness and consideration for the health and well-being of others?  I've seen so many angry and hurting posts about how this is a continuing reflection of our nations history (removing children from Native Americans, how families were treated during slavery, and other examples) - and it's true - which just breaks my heart a little more that we have not learned and that the fear and hatred is still so prevalent that this could become practice yet again.  Can we ever move to a place where we are more focused on caring for each other than protecting ourselves?  All I can do is try is live as loving and caring as possible and to try to raise my own children in a way that they are encouraged to explore and develop their own empathy and caring natures (I'm more focused on raising loving, kind, caring, considerate, giving, strong children than academically successful children - may they seek their own path, stand against things they think are wrong, and take care of others along their way). 

Love....

I don't celebrate Valentine's Day - it's probably my least favorite holiday honestly - however I think that our world in general needs a little more love and acceptance and support.  Love can be found in so many various forms throughout our world and for me - seeking and giving love in all forms is an integral part of who I am and how I choose to interact with the world every day.

However, over my journeys in recent years I've thought about love and how we as a culture typically treat love and those we claim to love.  Too often it seems like love is treated as a chain instead of like wind to lift those people we claim to love, to keep loved ones connected to us rather than encouraging them to grow, blossom, and reach all their individual potential.   Does love need to be limiting or should it be more expanding?  Shouldn't love be uplifting, supporting, freeing and celebrating?

Love should leave us all freer, stronger, and safer to be who and what we are meant to be rather than constraining and limiting.  Love should be wild and strengthening to everyone.  Connections are made stronger when they are freely and naturally occurring.  Freedom of motion is also what allows us and our connections to grow and expand and support rather than stiffening and limiting growth.

"Everything wants to be loved.  Us sing and dance and holler, just trying to be loved." Alice Walker, The Color Purple

I recently ran across this poem on Elephant Journal and the beauty and honesty and strength in it was such an echo of my own spirit that I wanted to share it on as well.  Love is such a beautiful, enriching, wonderful joy - why ever limit it?

Is connection and comfort not sweeter when freely offered and received?  Shouldn't the offering and receiving love leave everyone feeling safer and more secure because it is freely and completely given by choice?  To me - loving someone means creating safety and support for them to go and explore and grow and know that they are loved freely.  When love limits it becomes a cage and is not full love but rather emotion connected with fear - fear of loss and change.  Love supports growth and change - Individuals and relationships do shift and change, growing and evolving - much like the very ground we all live on.  Earth and nature shifts and through this process creates a more stable and supportive environment for all of us. Our natural world is as strong and sustaining and supportive of us as it is because it is ever changing - the seasons, the sand on beaches, the water that has etched the rivers and canyons, earthquakes and landslides, even forest fires - all shift and change the natural environment to allow it to continually grow stronger over time and thereby more supportive and loving of us.

One of my favorite quotes is "Love more and be awesome!"  More than Two

Valentine's day is typically a tough day for me because it is a day I associate with my uncle's suicide and some other rather traumatic early adolescent experiences.  In addition - my perspective on embracing everyone and loving is core to my identity and how I move about this world - so I prefer to emphasize it throughout the year rather than focusing on traditional romantic love one day a year.  Life has also taught me that with great love comes great pain - But as Garth Brooks sings: "Our lives are better left to chance/I could have missed the pain/But I'd of had to miss the dance" - and personally I'll take the pain to be able to fully experience the joy and beauty and love.

"So we have two choices: embrace and love what we have and feel joy as deeply and fully as we can and eventually lose everything - or shield ourselves, be miserable....and eventually lose everything." More Than Two

Books

Ah books..... ways to escape to another world....or dig deeper into this one

I have always loved to read and to read a wide variety - from the very deep to the light and breezy.  These days I am spending many hours in the car so I have shifted to listening to many books (unabridged only) on Audible, but there are still some versions that I just love having in paper copy to make notes and touch and experience.  There are several books on the list below that I have in both varieties (paper and audio).

Some of my favorite books -

The Color Purple by Alice Walker
Women Who Run with Wolves by Dr. Clarissa Pinkola Estes
In Strangers' Arms: The Magic of the Tango by Beatriz Dujovne
The Stand by Stephen King
The Dark Tower Series by Stephen King
When it all falls apart by Pema Chondron
The Dhammapada A New Translation of the Buddhist Classic by Gil Fronsdal
Easy Street by Ron Perlman
Phenomenal: A Hesitant Adventurer's Search for Wonder in the Natural World by Leigh Ann Henion
More than Two by Franklin Veaux and Eve Rickert
The Ethical Slut by Janet W. Hardy and Dossie Easton
The Artists Way by Julia Cameron
The Complete Poems of Robert Frost
Artemis Fowl Series by Eoin Colfer
The Women of Brewster Place by Gloria Naylor
And the Band Played on by Randy Shifts
I know why the caged bird sings by Maya Angelou
Catching the Westbound by DC Hicks
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory by Roald Dahl
Eat Pray Love by Elizabeth Gilbert

Authors I'll read anytime:
Wendell Berry
Robert Frost
Mary Oliver
Alice Walker
Maya Angelou
Pema Chondron
Toni Morrison
Barbara Kingsolver
Elizabeth Gilbert
Brene Brown
Stephen King


What are some of your favorites?

Safety....

The last few years have been a profound exploration out of my comfort zone only to realize that my own sense of safety is most complete when I'm out of the traditional safe spaces.  Over the past few months the concept of safety and travel and our interactions with each other has been more and more vivid for me.

The concept of safety -
Recently as I was watching pictures of various people's international travels I was struck by the different ways that people enjoy traveling and think about travel, new experiences, and safety.
For many people, safety means a physical safety - feeling physically safe from crime and surrounded by people who look and act like themselves (or at least in a group that is similar demographically).  And I see this regardless of race or gender in some of the stories and pictures I see about people's various travels.  Even those who want to, and are able to, travel internationally seek a whitewashed experience. They seek out tourist versions of the culture rather than the more realistic experience. I have even been guilty of this myself at times, until arriving at the location and realizing how sterile and unauthentic it felt to me. Physical insecurity, traveling and wandering in the unknown can feel very unsafe and therefore scare for many people.

It is interesting to think how common this is - people seek experiences that are a little new but still comfortable.  How much do people lose by having this limited view?  What beauty and depth are we missing when we stay in our comfort zone?  How much richer can our experiences be when we stop seeking 'safety'?

"I'm not the same having seen the moon shine on the other side of the world."  Mary Anne Radmacher

It was only recently that I realized that these 'safe' settings don't feel safe and comfortable to me.  Seeing someones pictures of travel to a beautiful country with a rich history of immigration  and a diverse culture - and the pictures showed a lot of newer buildings or even older buildings that felt cool, and a little sterile, the buildings felt nuevo and immaculate (perfect floors, cool white walls and pillars) rather than the beautiful old architecture, the streets alive (and yes dirty even) with a range of people, birds, and dogs....Streets that may look a little 'sketchy' but have so much beauty contained in the people (even in the catcalls) and old buildings and even the graffiti in some places.... Why would I travel to such a beautiful place to visit in areas (museums, schools, etc) where I was surrounded by classes of people just like me - instead of seeking opportunities to meet in smaller settings and listening to the language and banter and life of the city as I ramble?  Well - because my idea of safety is different I realized....I often do not feel safe or comfortable in settings that are the most comfortable for others.  It is in those settings that I feel the most vulnerable, the most judged, and anxious and unsafe.  It is in those settings that I often feel the most critiqued and constrained.  Safety for me is intrinsically tied to emotional safety and a sense of warmth and acceptance.

For many travelers (is this true for travelers in other countries too?  or is it an American thing?), safety is found staying on the tourist side of town, where the experience is controlled and safe, where there are others who like you are experiencing this new place, or even traveling with a tour. 

The pictures of people's adventures that capture my heart and interest - are the ones where there is a sense of warmth, history, the reality and beauty of wear and angst and warmth and comfort. The sense of comfort comes from a sense of acceptance and embracing of all that has led to the current state - an acceptance and celebration of the strength and integrity of well lived and loved and experienced space that looks like it will hold all of my own wanderings and imperfections with a sense of support and warmth bread from history. Likewise - pictures of the reality of town - of parks and streets with litter, animals,  and grafitti (often very fascinating and beautiful itself) and everyday people out enjoying and moving through the day, listening the to squabbles and discussions of locals as they move through the day. The picture of a simple sandwich and cafe from the small neighborhood bodega, wandering through a local bookstore where I can't read a quarter of the titles but it feels of age and home.... architecture that has stood for centuries and stands testament to the strength and challenge and beauty of  the place, the pain and connection and creation of a space and history....The local who works at a newstand on the corner and catcalls throughout the week as I'm wandering but also starts to recognize which drink I typically order.... This sense of life, warmth, history and acceptance - this connecting one on one with people, local people who enrich my own experience and are willing to share part of the simple beauty of everyday life....Some of my favorite memories are trips where I've been able to stay with someone local - and I look for opportunities to do this where the room and space echos the local flavor and history and feeling.

For me - safety when traveling means feeling comfortable, accepted, warm, free to explore, challenged to grow, and real, authentic.  Sometimes (most often) real is dirty and messy and a little uncertain (scary?).  Is it an oxymoron that safety and insecurity can occur simultaneously? For   me there is safety in the unknown of the open and real - whatever it brings - I, as long as I'm authentically me - will see and understand what is real and honest.  Real is accepting and honest.  It is always there and evolving but is consistently real.  In it's honesty is all the souls that have lived and experienced and survived it - often strengthened or comforted by it.  Real is safety in its history and its evolving nature.

I'd rather travel and feel my kind of safe in experincing a deep personal connection and growth with local people and authentic experiences than travel in a sterilized and limited environment.  When I think of experiences and trips that feel safe to me, they are the trips that feel the most authentic where I am free to be my messy authentic self.  They are the trips where I have met and made lasting connections to people and places and cultures that are authentic to that place and time. The trips where I have had the freedom and time to wander and absorb and feel the connection to the current people and culture as well as the depth of history, to smell and feel and breathe in the everyday sights and smells and tastes.  There is beauty and strength in the mundane.  Being given the ability (permission?) to enter the community and experience the real everyday experience is the richest, safest travel I have ever encountered. These opportunities allow me to feel connected and enriched by another history, beauty, and experience and another home.  To feel and be accepted and allowed to experience another history only builds my own compassion and richness of life even broader and deeper - enriching empathy and letting me see even more beauty in the complex world. 

This is safety to me - Real Relationships and Experiences - experiencing the real and authentic - seeing the beauty in the reality.  Experiencing, accepting, and being accepted - this is beauty and safety and comfort - this is HOME in all of its settings.  This is also why for me - the natural world with its flowing history and strength and support for us humans (and our support of it) is the ultimate safe space for me - it's the most authentic setting you can find and the most accepting.  But that is another post for another time.... :)

Thanks for reading - until next time.... 

Welcome to the Wildnerness

So this blog has been awhile in the making, it's been brewing and smoldering and evolving through long walks in the woods, lots of new reading and exploring, and tackling new adventures.  Through it all I find myself making connections between all of the experiences.

I've also rediscovered my love of writing and storytelling.  I hope this blog allows me the opportunity to do a little bit of both and maybe along the way grow, help others grow and explore, and maybe create a little more expansive, loving, exploring, challenging community.


Rambling means not only a way of speaking but also a way of traveling - and this blog will allow us to do both - if you want to join me.

"I climb. I backtrack. I float
I ramble my way home." ~ Mary Oliver


This isn't a travel  or tango or adventure or literary or parenting blog.... It's just a life blog.... and exploration of all things that give me roots to strengthen and sustain and wings to fly and explore....And all those things are part of my journey so they will be threads in this quilt....

Notes -
At times I talk/write A LOT (hence rambling)
I will likely edit some of these newer posts adding in quotes and clips of movies that are relevant and meaningful to me and the topics - but I wanted to start somewhere.... :)