Today in the car, my oldest said that she 'hated broccoli'. I looked over at her and said that was a very strong word for something that did not seem to deserve that much emotion. We then went on to talk about how my mom only had a very few rules for us but one of them was that she did not like to hear us use the word hate - at all - we could say that we strongly strongly strongly disliked something (or even someone) but you got the mom eye if you used the word hate. It was something drilled into me in my youth - we do not hate, we can dislike but hate is a word that holds much more than just dislike.
Curse words..... Most of you that have met me in person know I have the mouth of a sailor :) (and honestly probably always have), but in my family - words like hate (and other shaming words) were considered more a more serious offense than most curse words. I like to think that this is still how I walk through the world. And yet - I often see the word used in a range of ways and even in too much of an every day way. My mom often told us that regardless of how much someone or something had hurt us, how much distance we needed to put - that we should not move toward hatred.
There is entirely too much to love and too much warmth needed in this world to spend much time thinking about hate - and often it is in those most uncomfortable places where love and warmth is the most needed (both inside ourselves and in others). When I see emails like the one that a friend received today... With a tag line of "Clean Old-fashioned hate" - it makes me wonder what message we send to each other and to our children when we use this language. Language does matter! Disclaimer - this was an email for a local rival football game - something most people are completely ok with
As I was talking to my daughters, they asked why so much emphasis was put on the word hate in particular - and we talked about how it encompasses much more than dislike - it involves a layer of anger and cruelty that goes beyond not liking, it is a word and an intensity that more easily leads to action. And honestly - it's a lot shorter easier word to say and let that level of anger and intensity grow - than if you have to slow down and think about it and say "I really really really don't like.... " It also carries a permanence with it that is deeper than dislike. It sows seeds in our hearts.... and I personally want to be too busy growing a garden of joy, yumminess and warmth to worry about sowing hurtful seeds.
We went to see the new Malificient movie the other night - and without giving away too much of the movie - within moments of the movie starting I was physically reacting to the amount of hatred being conveyed toward groups within the film. I commented to my friend that while I understood such hatred existed, I hoped I was never comfortable with it - and more importantly I hope my daughters are never comfortable with it.
I laughed when one of them asked why we took the backroad to get somewhere, and I started to respond 'because I hate driving in heavy traffic' - they both looked at me and laughed and said 'Don't you mean you strongly dislike it".... I laughed, thanked them and said "YES" - So we made pact that from now on - the H word is a bad word in our house....
This house does love, crazy, silly, magic, wild, and nutty.... And if we focus on doing all that - who has time for the H word (as my mom would say :) )
Love more.... be awesome.... Abrazos y besos!
