Home and Family

I have been reading a book of Native American/Indigenous Cultures poetry during my morning meditation time recently.  This morning I read one that really touched me deeply and also started my mind spinning.  (see the bottom of the post for the full poem).

Much of my work throughout my career has focused on public health and child welfare, and often there will be several generations and branches of families living together for a wide range of reasons but primarily because it works for them.  I often envied the families who have multiple generations living together and supporting each other.  However, as I grew older and my personal life and work life expanded, I was surprised by how many people held a very negative perception of the extended family homes.  

Living in the United States I have heard the debate about housing and multigenerational/multi family housing for years - even now there are people on social media in the neighborhoods around me who yell 'not in our neighborhood'... Or complaints about the house that people 'suspect' has what they consider too many people living there.  There are protests and city ordinances that are put into place to limit or to try to define single family occupancy housing.  To be honest though - housing policies are not my area of specialty (that's more in the food access and child welfare arena).... I know just enough to be dangerous, and to see the hurt in the face of families who are struggling to find housing that is deemed 'appropriate' for raising children regarding space.

But growing up in Appalachia - this was the way so many of the families that helped raised me lived (it is a community raising a child not an individual).... 

Today I do not have biological family that would come live with me, although if my mom was alive I would bring her to live with me (it was part of the plan to move her near us when she passed).  However, I have and will always have open doors for my chosen family to have a safe place to live when they want.  

How often do we take the time to get to know our neighbors?  To find ways to support and encourage them?  To understand how interconnectedness works and supports them?  If we can redefine how we think about housing and family and community support - what differences can we make in homelessness and insecure housing in this country?   How can we begin to change how we view ALL of our neighbors, not just those who live as we do?  How can we begin to really see each other as people and to find ways to support each other regardless?  

The Housing Poem by Dian Million

Minnie had a house
which had trees in the yard
and lots of flowers
she especially liked the kitchen
because it had a large old cast iron stove
and that
the landlord said
was the reason
the house was so cheap.

Pretty soon Minnie's brother Rupert came along
and his wife Onna
and they set up housekeeping in the living room
on the fold-out couch,
so the house warmed and rocked
and sang because Minnie and Rupert laughed a lot.

Pretty soon their mom Elsie came to live with them too
because she liked being with the laughing young people
and she knew how the stove worked the best.
Minnie gave up her bed and slept on a cot.

Well pretty soon
Dar and Shar their cousins came to town looking for work.
They were twins
the pride of Elsie's sister Jo
and boy could those girls sing. They pitched a tent under
the cedar patch in the yard
and could be heard singing around the house
mixtures of old Indian tunes and country western.

When it was winter
Elsie worried
about her mother Sarah
who was still living by herself in Moose Glen back home.
Elsie went in the car with Dar and Shar and Minnie and Rupert and got her.
They all missed her anyway and her funny stories.
She didn't have any teeth
so she dipped all chewable items in grease
which is how they're tasty she said.
She sat in a chair in front of the stove usually
or would cook up a big pot of something for the others.

By and by Rupert and Onna had a baby who they named Lester,
or nicknamed Bumper, and they were glad that Elsie and Sarah
were there to help.

One night the landlord came by
to fix the leak in the bathroom pipe
and was surprised to find Minnie, Rupert and Onna, Sarah and Elsie, Shar and Dar
all singing around the drum next to the big stove in the kitchen
and even a baby named Lester who smiled waving a big greasy piece of dried fish.

He was disturbed
he went to court to evict them
he said the house was designed for single-family occupancy
which surprised the family

because that's what they thought they were.

https://www.talkingpeople.net/tp/literature/million/dianmillion.html

Guides, Mentors, and Supports - Cornerstones....

Early in my life, my parents taught me the importance of finding mentors and guides along the way.... and I have been blessed in my life to find amazing people who have helped me find my way and forge my own trail...

"I consider whatever success I meet with on a given day due in part to the way others have taught me how to live by their example." 

Rolf Gates

As I have gotten older and progressed along life and my career, I find it interesting that while often we (at least in US culture) accept and embrace the idea of mentors in our professional lives, we cringe from the idea of guides and supports in other aspects of our lives.  And often even in our professional careers, there is often the perspective that only those who are struggling need a good mentor.  When actually, it is often when we are at our strongest, that a mentor/guide or teacher can help us the most.  

Who told us that we were supposed to be able to figure it all out on our own?  Where did the notion come from that looking for support and guidance was a sign of weakness?  Have we become such an independence focused society that we do not think to stop and ask for help or to offer help to others?  Has the concept of mentorship become the intellectual property of the professional world and become so microcosmic that we no longer recognize the need and value of mentorship and guidance in other parts of our lives? How are we modeling or showing others around us and the next generation how to develop these types of relationships and the value of these connections?

“I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” — Maya Angelou

I have had mentors who have helped me find my way in my personal and my professional life.... who have influenced the trails and paths I've taken even long after our official mentor relationship has evolved and shifted.  Likewise I have had teachers and guides who have helped me work through personal periods of growth and who have influenced my own journey in unexpected and significant ways.  There have been periods in my life where I have sought out mentors and guides because I was working through various things but there have been as many times where they have shown up unexpectedly and have had equally significant influence.

Sometimes we need guides and mentors in all aspects of our lives.... not just professionally and in our career but also in our interpersonal lives, in our internal lives, for our own personal growth, in a new hobby or area of interest, or in relationships or in any other aspect of our journeys.... How much richer and gentler can our lives be when we reach out and seek support along the way?  :) 

"I am not a teacher, but an awakener."— Robert Frost

My mentors and guides have helped me by showing me:

• my own strengths and beauty
• how to find my own path even when it seems out of sync with the norm (especially then)
• that it is possible and even beautiful to have a path that is completely and uniquely you
• how to embrace all of your own power and strength to find your way
• the variety of trails and paths that are possible
• new skills and talents
• new ways of seeing things 
• how to find and use my own voice
• the career path I have now - meaningful support to community minded non-profits
• how to find and create my own entrepreneurial path
• how to dance (yeah still working on this one)
• how to find my own way to create relationships and connections that are true to myself
• and so so so much more

I would not be where I am today without the guides and mentors who have helped me along the way - those who are currently coaching and encouraging me and those who have done so in the past.   I only hope that I can provide some of that support to others along the way as well.... hands reaching out and supporting each other.... 

And I'm not sure where my journey will continue to lead - but I will always be open to and seek out those guides and mentors along the way.... and I hope in some small way to be a light to others on their journeys....

"Hug and kiss whoever helped get you - financially, mentally, morally, emotionally - to this day. Parents, mentors, friends, teachers. If you're too uptight to do that, at least do the old handshake thing, but I recommend a hug and a kiss. Don't let the sun go down without saying thank you to someone, and without admitting to yourself that absolutely no one gets this far alone."— Stephen King

It is also our responsibility to help pass this along.... while we may always need those mentors and guides in our own lives, it is also our responsibility to each other to help others along the way as well - to pass along what we have learned and to help others find their own spark and path as well.  This is how we create community, strengthen and care for each other...And to thank those who have helped us along the way as well - to recognize all those coaches, mentors, teachers and guides.... 

“We’re here for a reason. I believe a bit of the reason is to throw little torches out to lead people through the dark.” — Whoopi Goldberg