My mom

My mom was my rock for most of my life.  When my father died at 43, my mom was left to raise my brother and myself on her own.  She found herself a widow, drowning in debt, with two small children to raise.  And she did it.... she didn't hide any of the struggle from us but at the same time she always made sure we knew we were safe and all would be ok, somehow.  Even the worse case scenario we could find a way to keep moving through.  As I grew up, I promised her that I would always take care of her and make sure she was ok the same way she did for us.

She sacrificed so much so that I could learn to ride horseback, my brother could have the summer camp experiences he loved, that both my brother and I could travel with the academic and athletic teams we wanted to participate in, and that when he wanted to, my brother could go to one of the premier private schools in our state.  She ate my terrible cooking as I tried to figure out how to cook to help out around the house when she was working and we were juggling all our activities (because I had cooked the last of the spaghetti for the week).  We worked at the school rather than just getting free/reduced lunch.  She worked frustrating jobs and stretched herself to always find ways to make things work so that we could have as many opportunities as possible even though some were still out of reach.  I never went back to school shopping for whole new wardrobes (I lived in hand-me-downs until I started working), we learned to fix things ourselves rather than hiring help as much as possible, both my brother and I worked as soon as we were old enough to so that we could help contribute to the house, we learned to live with the house very hot and very cold to minimize expenses,  we didn't go out to dinner at restaurants except on extremely rare occasions (my first paycheck I used to take us to pizza hut), there were no big family vacations each year, and certainly study abroad was not an option or in any budget, travel was limited to short trips to see family and friends where we could stay and visit for free.  But we were incredibly loved and had many more opportunities than many folks.

I always wanted to repay that.... to give her everything in her older age that she had given us.  And while we did in some ways - to this day I feel like I dropped the ball on truly taking care of her the way she deserved.  On January 5th, 2012 I was on my way to pick her up to finally bring her down to Georgia to live near us in a home we were going to buy her.  She hadn't answered her phone in over 24 hours, so I had her pastor and then a local deputy go check on her while I was driving.  I never expected to hear that she had died.  I was devastated.  And to this day I'm thankful for everyone who made it possible for us to get there, stay in the house, and took care of things until I could get there that evening.

I was left to notify all of her friends and loved ones.  Some of those calls still haunt me to this day.  One was to her best friend from college and another was to one of her more recent close friends (recent - they were friends for close to 10 years).... Both of them were shattered and commented on how they were in the middle of an argument with her but they both knew these storms blew through and she would always be there.... She was so volatile but also so incredibly loving and tough.  She was easy to anger, quick to forgive, and even when she was angry she would talk about how much she loved the person.  She was as hard headed as a mule :)

I am still in touch with several of her friends to share memories - and I'm eternally grateful for the strength and love she grounded me in.  She was tough as nails and loving as anyone I've ever met.... Because of her life experiences and what she shared with me - I've grown up with an intense desire to take care of everyone I love and care about and to leave more warmth, love, and forgiveness in this world.