Tender Holidays

This week is a tender one in many ways for a lot of people.  As everyone prepares for the upcoming holidays (whatever holiday traditions you celebrate), please remember that for some of us - the holidays are tender, still joyful often but deeper and often with a strong undercurrent of memory, loss and grief.  Have more patience with that colleague who seems short tempered this time of year, reach out and spend time with your friends who may or may not have extended family, spare an extra smile compliment, laugh, or tip with that sales person, server, or other people you run into - regardless of their spirit at the time - it could change their whole day.  Give your friends and loved ones space to sit with all the range of emotions that hit - we don't need to be happy all the time.  If you have waves this time of year, ride them - let yourself experience all of the range of emotions, and find things that feed and soothe your soul....





Seven years ago my mom was sick (sicker than I realized at the time) and still had a lot of pain from a broken ankle a few years previously.  We were planning on Thanksgiving at my in-laws but mom was uncomfortable staying there for several reasons, including a full house, her pain, and sleep patterns.  So to make sure she spent the holiday with us - I got her a hotel room, right on the beach where she had her own whirlpool tub to soak in and a balcony she could open and listen to the waves.... For my water baby mom this was wonderful. 


She did pretty good through the holiday, and the day afterwards asked if I would take her over to see her dad in a nursing home in Williamsburg.  So just the two of us went off to see him.... I wish I had known it would be the last good chunk of time I would spend with her.  The next day she told me she was feeling very badly and was ready to go home so would be heading out.  She called when she got home and we all just assumed it was a bad case of the flu or a cold.  It was the last time I saw her..... At Christmas she was too sick to travel to us and by the time I got there to bring her down after her birthday she had died....

Thanksgiving was her favorite holiday, even though often it was just the three of us (myself, her, and my brother) and maybe a family friend or two, with very simple fair - she loved turkey but our side dishes were usually pretty basic green beans (not casserole), salad, pumpkin (baked not pie), corn and potatoes (either sweet or mashed with onions), and homemade gravy (always homemade).  Usually we caped off the day with a walk or drive around to look at lights or with a drive out to one of the local trails to walk around a bit when she was able.  Unless we were traveling and visiting others for the holiday, we didn't do Black Friday shopping.... opting instead for visiting friends, checking out local trails, or putzing on house projects (there were always projects to do around the house when you grow up in a 100+ year old home)....

I miss her daily but also know that she is still with me - she is laughing at the journey, celebrating the growth, and shaking her head at the follies.... I have in my head a lovely vision of her, my dad, my aunt and uncle, and a few other dear close friends gathering at a campsite by a trout stream to talk and laugh at the follies and adventures of those they have left here and tossing little reminders of them to us as we need.... So as I get older, I find myself returning to simpler ways and activities, particularly this time of year....