My oldest daughter overheard me telling the story of me and Louis (a homeless black man in Athens, GA).... which includes us laughing because when he knocked on my window and I opened it to talk to him and leaned out and took his hand - he asked 'Aren't you scared of me?'....
Emily looked very confused and asked why he would think I would be scared of him?.... To be fair part of her confusion is probably based in the fact that I will talk to anyone (literally).... I explained to her that unfortunately sometimes people are scared of people who are not like them (Black, Brown, homeless, etc). My proud mom came when she looked at me like I had three heads and just shook her head and said that made no sense.... Later on the drive she asked if that meant that some people might be scared of her Uncle Tommy or cousins because of how they looked and expressing her frustration with that. So we talked about how she can use that feeling and understanding to stand up for and with her loved ones and more importantly for OTHERS (i.e. the homeless man or woman who deserves to be seen and cared about as well).
I am far from perfect and there have been places and times where I have been more cautious or concerned (i.e. when the drunk homeless man fell asleep on my arm on MARTA on the way home from a LONG trip) and I'm working on my own openness and connection.... But in general I try to move through the world with a sense of compassion and openness and caring first and foremost and have been rewarded by seeing some of the best of humanity - the family that I knew was watching out for me as the same homeless man kept calling me Dolly Parton for the train ride until he fell asleep and I reassured them I'd let them know if he crossed a line or I felt uncomfortable but instead I felt connection, humanity, humor, and awareness of humanness.... And I have not always been this way - it's been a process of learning and growing and caring and trusting....
My heart broke a little today as I watched people's comments and feedback on social media about two topics -
1 - Wearing masks and seeing one of my home cities announce a city-wide mandate for masks (so PROUD of them!) and then watching them get blasted by folks from outside of the city for being 'fear-mongering' and complaining about interceding on personal rights. Where and when did we lose our compassion and willingness to be a little uncomfortable in order to help keep all of our bigger community safe and healthy? Are we so independent focused and self-focused that we truly believe that our rights to perfect comfort supercede all other things? With our state infection rates and hospitalization rates climbing - why are people so resistant to doing things to help improve the health and well-being of all? Is social distancing and mask wearing really that much of an impact on you that you are comfortable risking others lives? Can we be more compassionate to our friends and neighbors who have health factors, immune compromised health systems that require more care?
2 - Getting rid of School Resource Officers - Maybe it is time to consider reducing SROs (which have some significant negative impacts as well as some cases of positive) and increasing other supports in schools. This is not a statement against police, but rather a discussion about where it is appropriate and needed to have police. I do not want a school system where my children only feel safe if there are police there, that's not a school conducive to learning. Nor do I want to raise my children in a community where they are taught to only feel safe if there is a large police presence. I would rather raise them to feel 'safe' in that they can handle themselves physically and they care for other people (you would be surprised how far this goes) rather than relying on external sources of safety. Where they understand that creating a sense of safety and caregiving in the community is part of their responsibility as well. (Note - I have friends and family in the police force, I am actively working to create dialogues between police and young people to help shift the dynamic and create a more supportive environment - this is not an anti-police statement, but rather a statement about how we view our world and how we as individuals engage with each other).
Why are people SO upset and angry about the prospect of moving from SROs (which we are hearing make some of our Black and Brown friends and neighbors feel unsafe by having them in schools) to maybe having more mental health and counselors in the schools? Why does it need to be police in the school instead of counselors/trained mental health professionals? Why are people so protective and adamant about police instead of stopping to engage in conversation with those trying to raise concerns and propose healthy changes? Police are an important part of communities, but we must be able to talk about what changes may be needed to help create the safest, healthiest, most nurturing communities for all....
Have we created a world where school is viewed 'unsafe' by white families unless there is an SRO and 'unsafe' for our Black and Brown loved ones when there is? What will it take to get us to sit down and talk to each other and LISTEN and move toward healthier changes? What will it take for us to stop reacting and start caring about each other? To face situations with compassion and openness rather than fear?
Where is our compassion for each other? Why IS it so shocking to strangers when they are created with compassion and warmth? In particular, why is it still so shocking to our Black and Brown neighbors and loved ones; to homeless; to those with mental health challenges when they are greeted with warmth, compassion, caring, and engagement? What do we need to do to open ourselves and our communities up so that this is no longer surprising but is just how we treat each other?
These are the questions that haunt me.... that make me want to keep reaching out.... keep surprising people until it isn't a surprise anymore.... To care, listen, protect, and support.... so that we all are richer....
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