Words are powerful - and often confusing - There have been several times recently when I have had the opportunity to talk to friends about the impact that their use of words may have on many people. In some cases, the discussions centered on how language can impact our children and how our children experience their world. I would love to see a world where we can move past divisive language and toward more encompassing, supportive, and encouraging language. And I think it is possible to do this while still engaging in valuable debate and discourse....
Recently a friend of mine said he assured a dear kind woman who commented on his three valentine packages of flowers and cards that he had a 'wholesome' family and was purchasing them for his wife and two daughters. I teased him that the inference was that if my family consisted of some other combination then maybe we were not wholesome and I challenged that a bit. If everyone is in agreement and loving with each other - isn't that as wholesome as we could ever ask for? It's certainly the way I want my children to view others. Maybe what I am struggling with is the word wholesome in general - according to the dictionary wholesome means "conducive to or suggestive of good health and physical well-being" or "conducive to or promoting moral well-being." Personally, I think any relationship that is supportive and loving to all parties involved (regardless of number of partners, gender or anything else) and where are all parties are consenting and feel freely loved and strengthened is the best option for leading to good health and physical well being. Only relationships that are caging, limiting, or damaging to partners would I see as unwholesome. My friend and I did end up laughing as he assured me that he did agree and I loved the older woman's comment to him which was 'You need not explain yourself to me. Life has all kinds of fun in it." Amen beautiful lady amen.....
It also led to us continuing our conversation about how we are all 'socializing' our children. Another friend had recently posted a wonderful piece about the frequent comments about the need for socialization among homeschool or unschooled youth. Today's school shooting made me pause and revisit this discussion and thought - what are we socializing our children to? are we socializing them to our current american societal norms which seem to be very individual focused and competitive and angry often? or do we want to give them space and time to learn and develop their own sense of how to be kind and loving to everyone and to develop a healthy love for learning about new and different cultures, people, experiences? Why do we force our young people to engage socially when they may be very introverted and those big social experiences are more painful and damaging than strengthening and enriching? Can we create space for us, our children included, to have the safety and comfort they need to grow along their own path without forcing our own perspectives and desires on them? Can we create a space that is not only physically safe for our youth but also socially and emotionally and individually safe? If we can create those environments, can we help to raise our children to be more loving and compassionate and supportive of each other which will further expand that safety?
The news about the latest school is just heartbreaking - I keep trying to avoid news but it's still there and all the angst and pain out there and anger back and forth about those talking about it.... I find myself agreeing that we do need to do something about the ready access to those kinds of weapons but also even more -why can't we be more compassionate and gentle with each other and teach our children to be more loving and gentle and loving and warm with each other.
*Update - As someone who has worked in the child welfare field for most of my career in one way or another - the current practice and policies removing refugee children from parents at the border is breaking my heart on many levels. This is not what I how my children, nor my country, to treat people - where is our compassion and kindness and consideration for the health and well-being of others? I've seen so many angry and hurting posts about how this is a continuing reflection of our nations history (removing children from Native Americans, how families were treated during slavery, and other examples) - and it's true - which just breaks my heart a little more that we have not learned and that the fear and hatred is still so prevalent that this could become practice yet again. Can we ever move to a place where we are more focused on caring for each other than protecting ourselves? All I can do is try is live as loving and caring as possible and to try to raise my own children in a way that they are encouraged to explore and develop their own empathy and caring natures (I'm more focused on raising loving, kind, caring, considerate, giving, strong children than academically successful children - may they seek their own path, stand against things they think are wrong, and take care of others along their way).
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