what if....

Last night I was at a dear friend's birthday celebration at her house.... My daughters and I were the only folks there who were not black.  This is a home that both my girls and I are very comfortable in and enjoy visiting frequently.  It wasn't until we got home and I was asking my daughters if they had a good time and they both glowed as they talked about how much fun they had playing with their friends (both the guys and the girls at the party) that this thought occurred to me.  Neither one of them were the slightest bit uncomfortable roaming around the house (they stayed downstairs with the food and games and kids while most of the adults were upstairs hanging out).  I love the folks we were visiting - they are family - they are my children's aunts and uncles and some of my dearest friends, and their friends accept us and welcome us with hugs and warmth as well.

This morning the circumstances hit me and I realized how incredibly blessed I am to be able to give my daughters this experience - to let them see, feel, and experience what it is like to be in a group that doesn't look like them.  In a world of white privilege (and honestly even the fact that this is an anomaly just points more to that privilege) I want them to be able to see and experience the feeling so that they build more empathy but also so that they learn to walk in all areas regardless of how much they look, act, or have experiences similar to those around them - I want them to grow up open and willing to build relationships based on who people are rather than how we look. Someone asked me this morning whether I was uncomfortable and it took me a minute to realize why they were asking and I laughed and said no that I was with family.

One of my best friends and I have frequently had the discussion that we do not know many other families who have had overnight visits with families of other races - while it is the norm for our families.  We also talked about how much experiences like that are what it will really take to break down the barriers between races and social classes both.  It is through these shared deep intimate moments that we truly grow to appreciate and respect each other.


I am not in the camp that we should ignore racial differences - we have very different life experiences and histories- however I am in the camp that we should celebrate, learn, and appreciate those differences.  And I believe that only by sharing in close, deep moments can we actually begin to really build that appreciation and experience.  I also believe that deep moments and intimate moments are those little things and experiences that grow over time and give us the opportunity to just be with each other in all ways, in vulnerability safety and security and acceptance.

I was blessed in graduate school to become best friends with a beautiful, smart, powerful, urban black woman - she was (and is -despite geographic and life course differences) my rock and touchstone for who I want to be when I grow up.  We were two sides of a coin - if you needed one just look for the other and we'd know where we each were - we lived next door to each other, visited the gym every day together, co-taught a course we designed, and shared an office.... she taught me about city life (how to take a bus when we were in chicago) and I took her home to experience life in the country (where she shot her first gun).... we talked about anything and everything, things I would have been scared to ask others I was safe to ask her (the only way to combat ignorance is to be able to ask about it).  When I got ready to get married, my mom told me she would be really disappointed in me if I didn't ask D to be my maid of honor - and she was right - D has had as much influence on my life course (even parts she wasn't aware of) as any mentor I've had.... because she opened paths and eyes.  She and I even talked a taxi driver into getting us as close as he was willing to Cabrini Green in Chicago before they tore it down, because we both knew the power of feeling and understanding where people are from, the factors that shape their lives, and that being there with them is the most powerful way to grow.

What will the world look like as we all get more comfortable being in places where we are not the majority? Where we need to be open and learn to engage and enjoy others in all spaces and ways?  How often do you put yourself in a position to be, in a day to day living way, the minority (for those of you in the majority)?  How do we continue to seek out ways to open ourselves up like this?  Are we willing to bare our vulnerability so that we can experience the beauty of diversity and share experiences?