For the first year of my life my dad was terrified of me (to be fair apparently I also screamed like a banshee whenever my mom was out of sight) - he was scared he would drop or break me. However, by the time I could walk - we were inseparable. By the time I was two, I would stand at the front door waiting (sometimes crying) for him to come home. He was my hero, my rock, my idol, my teacher, my dad.
He taught me the value of experience over classroom. He taught me the power of loving and giving whenever humanly possible. The value of a simple conversation or no conversation at all while sharing time and space with a loved one. The challenges and freedom of being an entrepreneur - and the extreme satisfaction of building a business and reputation. It is ok to screw up and have to ask for forgiveness and demonstrate change. Take a risk. Try to take care of and give your loved ones and your community whatever you can. HAVE FUN. LAUGH. Don't be afraid to fail or to fly. Go top shelf/first class when you can - you won't regret it. The sheer enjoyment of good debate and discussion just for the sake of the banter. Always be you. That good dad's take so many shapes and are worth their weight in gold - they aren't mom's, they do things differently, but they are just as capable and loving.
He never called me princess - but there was also almost nothing I was denied. And that I could be ANYTHING I decided to be.
"Daddy, I know it's late but will you take me to Sara's so we can have a sleepover and watch the Muppets" - Yes it's an hour a way and already 7pm. He took me.
Driving an hour home to pick us all up and take us to dinner 45 minutes in the other direction just because I asked. Yep - he did that.
Annual trips to explore DC - just he and my brother and I - while mom was able to indulge her in her dog show activities nearby.
Getting up at 5:30am to take me to swim class an hour away because it was my one passion. Then breakfast out afterwards, just the two of us.
Rum and Coke and Dinkleacker beer (mainly because of the name).
Sitting on the foot of my bed trying to explain this horrible new epidemic that was sweeping the country and just beginning to try to be understood in the early 80s.
Sitting on a riverbank or pond bank, trout fishing.
The value of a closet full of suits when you are color blind and fashion senseless.... :)
Taking me out of school to go watch the final installation of a dome stadium nearby and a tour of a dam that was being built nearby (an internal tour of dam under construction is pretty amazing and sticks with me to this day).
Watching him cook fried green tomatoes :)
Walking the property line and after arguing about something, laughing as he said I should be an attorney when I grew up because I could argue about anything and usually win and leave the other person wondering what happened. He taught me the value and the power of words (so try to keep them kind).
The joy of giving someone a gift that is perfect for them - suited to them - something that just made you think about that person. For those of you who have gotten these kind of random gifts from me - you can blame him.
Rafting, tubing, and canoeing down the river with his best friend and kids. Getting out of the boat to swim alongside. Being on the water with him.Bear hugs
Trying to learn to remove fat and cholestrol from his diet to improve his health - substituting slices of tomato for sausage on his morning biscuit; apple cider instead of milk on cheerios.
Playing hours and hours of Ms. PacMan (NOT PacMan) on the arcade machine at the 7-11 across from his office. I used to dream for years after his death that I would walk into that 7-11 and see him and he would turn and go "what took you all so long, I've been waiting."
Crystal Gayle, Cheech & Chong, Richard Pryor, Clint Eastwood - Dad picking me up when I was sick at school and taking me home for a Sprite to settle my stomach and letting me curl up and watch Superman, Any Which Way You Can and then Dirty Harry (yeah I know, not always the best decisions - also the start of my Clint obsession)
Riding with mom to pick him up from the office Christmas party he hosted for his staff because he knew he couldn't drive - the importance of being responsible.
To love intensely.
Then on December 20, 1985 - mom had just gotten home from visiting him at the hospital and told us kids he was doing better and we could all go see him the next day. And then the phone rang - it was the hospital - he was gone, another massive heart attack shortly after she had left to drive home. And like that life changed -
My dad wasn't perfect - oh he was the perfect dad for me but he wasn't a perfect human. He and mom loved and fought intensely. He often put work over family time in an effort to provide everything he could for those he loved. And he left our little family so far in debt that it still ripples through our adult families now and mom never fully swam out of. And he left.
There are days I still get angry that he left - that I get angry that he worked himself to death - that he isn't here to laugh at how much like him Natalie is or to enjoy swim class with Emily. But at the same time, I would never trade the time I did have with him or the lessons I learned before he died and because of his death. I am who I am because life unfolded the way it did - and I learned as much resilience because of the path life took after he passed. And I was able to have several surrogate fathers (only a few ever measured up) who provided new lessons along the way.
And I was left with a strong appreciation of the importance of fathers. Fathers are SOOOO important - to all children - but for me, particularly for daughters. I am now a strong advocate for fathers. I try to make sure to tell the dads I know how amazing I think they are and how much their daughters and sons need them - even when we go through our adolescent/young adult phase and test the heck out of that love and try to prove we don't need them. Even now, there are times I go sit by a riverbank so that I can talk to dad to get his take on an issue or to feel his spirit. It's why I have fried green tomatoes and a biscuit with a slice of tomato on my birthday. It's why rainbow trout is one of my favorite foods. It's why I still grin when I see Ms PacMan. And why I will always drop random gifts for people I care about.....
So on this Father's day weekend -
- If you are a dad (step, bio, adoptive, grand, etc) - sending you lots of love and appreciation! Know your kids feel it even when they aren't showing it. You all are amazing! Thank you!!!
- If you are a father figure in someones life (an important uncle, a family friend, etc) Thank you!!!
- If your dad is still here (and you have a healthy relationship) - Call him, email him, or go see him. Give him a hug for those of us who can't physically touch or hear ours. Remember the good strong points and forgive the challenges.
- If your dad has passed - find time and space to sit and remember, appreciate, and talk....
- If you have a dad like person in your life - give them some love too! :)
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