“Love and compassion are necessities, not luxuries. Without
them, humanity cannot survive.”
― Dalai Lama XIV, The Art of Happiness
I have found myself being my own harshest critic during this time of pause and reflection. It took a very important person pointing out to me that I was harsher on myself than with anyone else and that I 'mushed' on others without also giving myself that same voice. With the forced semi-isolation of the pandemic and the slower pace, I find that I am forced to 'face the snake' and to really sit with myself and find ways to begin a focused practice of gentleness and self compassion. I found myself revisiting the idea of 'would you talk to someone you loved that way?' when I would fall into cycles of negative self-talk.For me, the greatest healing can only occur when I find that well of compassion and nurturing for myself, my inner child, my inner teenager (ugh, she's mean and petulant, but tender), and my inner crone. Only through continual renewal and practice of personal compassion, am I able to be calm and quiet and heal wounds so that I can grow and stretch and expand.
“I can’t change where I come from or what I’ve been through,
so why should I be ashamed of what makes me, me?” ― Angie Thomas, The Hate U
Give
Being gentle and compassionate with ourselves means being patient and forgiving when we falter; forgiving ourselves when we fall in the mud, when we are messy, when we think we fail; focusing on being gentle with ourselves in our self talk and care instead of harsh and critical. It means focusing on loving ourselves with a recognition of and appreciation for our imperfections. Compassion and gentleness also means focusing on giving ourselves time and space to grow and heal as we need to - recognizing it does not have to happen on a set time frame or in a set pattern - it is a journey and can involve ups and downs and even revisiting areas we though healed. It means giving ourselves permission and safety to continue growing and journeying in our own pace.
“True compassion does not come from wanting to help out
those less fortunate than ourselves but from realizing our kinship with all
beings.”
― Pema Chodron, Start Where You Are: A Guide to
Compassionate Living
So often over recent months, I find myself saddened to see how we are treating each other. I hope that this time of pause gives us a moment to still ourselves and focus on self-compassion so that we can in turn be more patient and gentle with each other. When we value each other and can listen to each other, there is so much we can learn and grow from. With the pandemic and the increasing recognition of and efforts to address systemic racism in our country, I have heard so many harsh words towards people - a lack of listening to each other and finding places of empathy and support from which to move forward from. Those with privilege wanting to maintain their privilege and avoiding hearing their Black and Brown neighbors and loved ones; people refusing to wear masks and social distance because of their own personal comfort; and people being increasingly aggressive and short with each other over any political issues. The pain and separation and stagnation that this causes is painful to watch.
“If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that
we belong to each other.”
― Mother Teresa
Imagine the growth and healing that can occur when we pause long enough to really listen to each other; to develop empathy and an understanding that we are each on our own journeys and someone may be at a difficult patch and need additional support; to be patient and kind simply because we do not know what our neighbors are struggling with. We need to take the time and see our neighbors and loved ones, to really listen to their stories and experiences so that we can respond and care for them from a place of compassion and warmth - to begin true healing and growth. Our choices are to insist on the status quo, to turn a deaf ear and blind eye to the pain and wounds our loved ones and neighbors have faced and are facing, and to insist on personal comfort over community caring - and we can watch our communities stagnate and continue wounding each other. OR we can move forward and listen with compassion and gentleness and move forward to a place of growth and healing for everyone for the many major wounds and damage caused by racism and the major health risks from COVID - but also to provide a place and balm for healing and growth for all of the other wounds so many carry with them.
"Tolerance and compassion are qualities of fearless
people" Coelho
Is it so difficult to give up some personal comfort to help keep more people safe and healthy? How can we find ways to listen to each other even on difficult topics? What difference can it make in all
of our lives when we respond to each other with the assumption of gentleness and compassion instead of frustration? How different might we respond with patience and gentleness to the neighbor who is struggling with major grief and is short tempered one day; or to cashier who was just attacked by the previous customer for something trivial; or to the customer service agent who is trying to help answer questions while also figuring out child care? How much different will our lives be when we treat ourselves with patience and gentleness when we hit a tough section of the trail? Instead of pushing our way through it, if we pause and rest and then move gently step by step, recognizing our need and right to rest and even to fall and skin our knees on occasion....
“Simplicity, patience, compassion.
These three are your greatest treasures.
Simple in actions and thoughts, you return to the source of
being.
Patient with both friends and enemies,
you accord with the way things are.
Compassionate toward yourself,
you reconcile all beings in the world.”
― Lao Tzu, Tao Te Ching
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