We are gifts.... We are enough....

I am me.... and that alone is my gift, my power, my journey, and my blessing...

“When you're different, sometimes you don't see the millions of people who accept you for what you are. All you notice is the person who doesn't.”

― Jodi Picoult, Change of Heart

So often we forget to listen and to appreciate all that we are.... We get caught up in what society tells us we should be, how we should be.... I have found myself too often documenting what society says are my flaws and trying to dim or change them -

I will be too curvy, too messy, too loud, too quiet, too spontaneous, to hippie, too sexual, too unorthodox, too free, too loving, too emotional, too strong, too independent, not independent enough, too soft, too tender, too gentle, too open, too forgiving, too clutzy, too fat, too accident prone, too wild.... 

but all of that is mine to be... that is the way I am shaped and the gifts that have been given me, that is the unique dynamic that is mine alone.  I do not need to try to shape-shift to fit what society is trying to tell me to be....

and if I'm not deeply and truly and completely me then who am I?
Who am I to try to fit my round self into a too small square?

what beauty and freedom and gifts am I denying myself and those who truly see and love me if I do not fully embrace and live out who I am... We need to embrace our gifts, which often come from the very parts of ourselves that we think of as weaknesses or limitations or flaws (My emotionality is what gives me the strength to hold space for my loved ones in their times of storms).  Our limitations often allow us to have greater appreciation of our achievements (I may be curvy or fat but I can do a half marathon and hike for days)

what words and actions do I hide because I'm afraid that I and they will be too much for someone?  What does that cost in lost diversity and beauty in the world... When I dim my own flame - what am I shutting out for myself and for others?  When I assume that my rawness and being are too much - what am I costing myself? What am I hiding that someone else or myself may need in that moment?  When I think my hikes and meditations are too tender - what am I costing myself?

“The most terrifying thing is to accept oneself completely.”

― C.G. Jung

There have been moments (actually significant chunks of time) when I have questioned whether I am really worthy to host hikes and meditations, to lead an evaluation company, or to host tango events.... I mean come on - I'm a country chick from Appalachia who is overly curvy (even at my slimmest) and clutzy and who is just now coming into her own with reading and studying deeper meditative works....

And yet - there are the moments when I slow down enough to listen to the universe and my own spirit and I find that: (1) I come out of my hikes and meditations more peaceful; (2) I connect with someone in a very powerful way at one of my hikes; (3) I slow down to realize that despite all my clutzy nature - I have friends and loved ones around the globe from my tango journey; (4) my heart is full from tango embraces even when I trip over my own feet but my partner laughs and hugs me tighter; (5) my client receives an award or grant because of work they are doing that they can show because of my work....And even more importantly - in all these areas I have met colleagues who add SOOOOO much to my own life and to the mosaic of each of the these areas because of our different voices/spirits/selves.....Recently, I led my monthly hike and meditation again - but on my own.... and the time in the woods reminded me of how important my own voice and life and experience was.....

“To realize one’s personal legend is one’s only true obligation.” – Paulo Coelho

Imagine a wildflower field with only one type of flower (sunflower fields are all the rage).... they are beautiful.... But the beauty of a field that is a riot of color from different flowers?  The beauty of a forest full of different trees?  The strength of an ecosystem that is made up of all different voices and creatures?  That is a thing of breathtaking beauty - And that is why each of us is a gift!!  Just as we are!!

Who are you?  What things do you discount about yourself and hide for fear of expectations? 

What are you denying yourself and others by hiding that unique flame and blossom?  

How can we each step more fully into ourselves so that we fully experience and gift ourselves all of those parts and experiences?  

How can we more fully appreciate each other in our fullness instead of contributing to the societal expectations and trying to fit our loved ones into boxes? 

“It took many years of vomiting up all the filth I’d been taught about myself, and half-believed, before I was able to walk on the earth as though I had a right to be here.”

― James Baldwin, Collected Essays: Notes of a Native Son / Nobody Knows My Name / The Fire Next Time / No Name in the Street / The Devil Finds Work / Other Essays

A year ago today - I lost one of my dearest friends.... I wish I had been able to say all of this to him... That he could have fully understood how valuable his voice was to us all and how grateful I am to have had his presence when he was here and his voice now helping keep me moving along my journey.... And how his voice helps me continue to find my way outside of the societal expectations and back to fully embracing who I am.... I wish he could have done the same and hope that where he is now he is able to finally be at peace with all of who he is....