Standing outside in the rain - tossing the ball back and forth with my daughter.... She catches a toss that was maybe a little harder than I meant for it to be and groans a bit when it hits her hand hard.... Then she stands up with a smile and laughs and says
"It's ok mom.... Getting bruised up is just a part of life"
and she tosses the ball back to me with a chuckle.... One of those precious unexpected mom win moments when you realize they do listen and absorb. We later moved to the grass where we spun around in circles until we were all falling down and laughing, chuckling at the bug bites and scrapes from climbing over bricks, and bruises from who knows what.... and both of my daughters laugh and go "it's another story to tell." YES - stories to tell, adventures to have, richness in experience and connection to be gained by embracing our fears, listening to them, and moving forward placing value on our wounds and experiences as part of the greater story that is all of us.
My daughter doesn't fear the injury or the wound - but rather accepts that it is a part of life and a part of the journey that shapes us as we grow. She embraces the injury even as a story and opportunity for experience and learning and even includes the pain in part of the journey that is growth and life....If I can guide her to maintaining that perspective as she enters her teenage and young adult years - then I will consider it a job well done.
“Tell your heart that the fear of suffering is worse than
the suffering itself. And that no heart has ever suffered when it goes in
search of its dreams, because every second of the search is a second's
encounter with God and with eternity.”― Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist
After all, embracing fear and moving forward in fear is something that we all struggle with.... I have struggled with it for years. Building on my last post about change - much of our struggle with change has to do with our fear of the unknown, our fear of injury or bruising or being wounded....
Instead - what if we could step back and see fear as an opportunity. An opportunity to be uncomfortable so that we recognize the need to change and grow, an opportunity to expand and push ourselves a little more, an opportunity to listen to the ourselves/our loved ones/the universe and recognize a need for a shift - maybe it's a shift to slow down or stop, or to move forward, or to learn new. Several years ago, I was on the cusp of a major life change in all areas of my life - I was TERRIFIED of hurting my loved ones, of taking steps to create the life I craved, of failing miserably at really building my business and the type of life I wanted, of buying my own home.... And yet the longer I let that fear hold me in place - the more I did hurt my loved ones and the more uncomfortable and wounded I became.... When I did finally move and begin to lean into the fear and really face it, I realized the injuries may happen but that the beauty and grace and amazing life I was craving was just on the other side of that fear and those wounds and that this life could not exist without those wounds - they were necessary to allow me to really continue to move toward the life and business I wanted. Today when I look at where I am personally and professionally, I feel incredibly blessed (and still a little scared I will mess it up - but that's ok because I now know the fear is part of the journey - it lets me know how valuable this all is, how precious it is, and how much work it is worth to both achieve and maintain).
“Don't be afraid of your fears. They're not there to scare
you. They're there to let you know that something is worth it.” ― C. JoyBell C.
Fear does not and should not be something only negative - but rather another tool for us to be able to listen to and use and grow from.... to be able to pause with it and listen and consider and then respond in a way that helps us continue our journey. Sometimes fear will lead us in ways where we are wounded - because we take a risk or we didn't take a risk when we should - but those wounds are also opportunities to learn and grow. To be able to look back and recognize all the growth that has happened, the strength that exists in being able to face fear and move forward, and the ability to recognize achievements in the face of injury and fear - the sense of overcoming and flourishing despite challenges and injuries.... letting the fear and the wounds become part of the story.
“I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the
triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who
conquers that fear.”
― Nelson Mandela
I have had many people make the comment to me that they do not live in fear and that is why they are not social distancing or wearing a mask and they refuse to do so. They charge that because I do both of these things and encourage others to do the same, that I must be living in fear and teaching my daughters to do the same. The more I contemplated these charges the more I realized that actually I do not fear for my own life, but I fear for my loved ones - and it is out of that concern for them that I do these things - my concern for others. I'm listening to my 'fear' and letting it help me see what is the right course of action for my spirit. For me, it is a braver thing to do the uncomfortable action of staying away from people (really hard for the person who loves to live alone but also craves human contact and touch) and wearing masks when I do go out - than it is to behave in a way that conveys only a self-preservation rather than a community minded preservation. Rather than 'fearing fear', as some who are so vocal about not wearing masks seem to do - I choose to embrace any fears and to learn from them.... and often to move forward in spite of the fear but letting the fear inform how I move and with what thoughts and actions.
“Bran thought about it. 'Can a man still be brave if he's afraid?'
'That is the only time a man can be brave,' his father told him.”
― George R.R. Martin, A Game of Thrones
Fear and injuries both contribute to us being stronger and gentler at the same time - recognizing both our strengths and abilities as well as our tender areas and limitations - finding the balance that allows for growth and achievement with humility so that we continue to support those with us on the journey. Last year I was training for my first half marathon (I say first because I LOVED it and can't wait to do my next after COVID), and I took a risk that resulted in a pretty severe injury (ok I crossed a drainage creek barefoot, got a major thorn and an infection... email me if you want the ugly story LOL). But I finished my run that day.... and despite being completely immobile for about a week and severely limited mobility for a month.... I completed my first half in under the goal I had set for myself.... It taught me things about facing my fears (I was terrified that morning of failing, of being last, of being hauled off the course in an ambulance) and about overcoming them.... it also kept me soft enough to be calling encouragement to my fellow walkers and runners over the 13.1 miles.... and it helped me see that in my softness is my strength....
I still face fears daily.... I fear my business failing, I fear getting lost in a country where I don't speak the language, I fear getting laughed at on the dance floor, I fear not being able to finish a race or course I start, I fear getting an injury out on the trail, I fear getting an injury I don't bounce back from, I fear not being able to manage all the things that come with a house and land, I fear not being a good enough mom.... But you know what - I still do ALL these things and sometimes the worst even happens (I've been lost in countries I don't speak the language in - and managed to find someone I could communicate with who helped me and often became life long friends.... I've embarrassed the heck out of myself on the dance floor and yet had amazing friends and connections who embraced and loved on me and bring me back again and again.... I've gotten lost in the woods and found the importance of centering myself and using my navigation skills to get myself back even if it takes a lot longer) but sometimes the worst happening leads me to things that were even better and richer than if things had gone right.... and in all of the situations - I have come out richer in experience and love, stronger in who I am, and with a renewed sense of adventure, spirit, and connection....
“Nothing in life is to be feared, it is only to be
understood. Now is the time to understand more, so that we may fear less.”― Marie Curie
What are your fears? What wounds or injuries are you scared of that may stop you from something? How different could life be if you moved with and into the place of fear and let all of the potential experience wash over you? How much richer could life be? How will you respond to fears and wounds? How will you listen, absorb, and respond? What role does fear play for you?
From - The Summer Day by Mary Oliver
....Tell me, what else should I have done?
Doesn't everything die at last, and too soon?
Tell me, what is it you plan to do
with your one wild and precious life?
From - FEAR by Khalil Gibran
The river needs to take the risk
of entering the ocean
because only then will fear disappear,
because that’s where the river will know
it’s not about disappearing into the ocean,
but of becoming the ocean.
Getting even better....!!!! <3
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